Confident Eaters

Why you sometimes toss your nutrition goals aside (and what to do instead)
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Georgie: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Confident Eaters Podcast, where you get proven methods to end overeating, emotional eating, and stressing about food. We are heading for harmony between your body, food and feelings, hosted by me, Georgie Fear, and my team at Confident Eaters.

Thanks so much for joining us for today's episode of the Confident Eaters podcast. Today's topic was inspired, as many episodes are, by the conversations Christina and I have with our real life clients. Isn't that true? Even very dedicated clients sometimes just want to check out or not track for a while.

Christina: Oh, yes. It's usually when someone is going through something difficult in their personal life or work is causing them a lot of distress. It isn't rare at all to feel like it's just too much work to try to do these healthy things right now. Luckily, we can usually get one on [00:01:00] one clients back on track because we call them every week, but if someone isn't working with the coach, it's so easy to let one week become two weeks off, then a month off. And then in time, you can regain a substantial amount of weight or feel like you're getting further and further from where you want to be. Which is so frustrating.

Georgie: I've had a couple really fascinating conversations recently with my client, Julie, about this pattern. She's been working with us for a long time, and she's had a lot of skills that got stronger over time. She's really diligent with completing her tracker. She's better than most people at feeling her hunger and satisfaction cues, and she always checks off the tasks on her homework. But I also know that even though she's one of my most consistent clients, One week out of the blue, every now and then, she tells me, Oh, I just said F it this week. I didn't track and I've been eating a lot of treats. She feels like she has two modes. One where she's on and she's intentional and organized, using that tracker every day, [00:02:00] knocking everything down. But then there's another mode. where she feels like she just wants to cut loose from all of that every now and then. She doesn't do anything irresponsible or dangerous, just very carefree eating, almost like she didn't have nutrition goals, but we both know that she does have nutrition goals. She might taste every dessert at a party, that sort of thing. She said to me, It feels like that should be a healthy thing to do, right? I mean, we always talk about stress relief and letting yourself be free, you know? This client and I, we've already covered the importance of having what we call real life treats, another name for non food pleasures, in her life on a daily basis. So a lot of times when we see a client and they're doing this periodic, throw away the plan and cut loose, it's because they don't have enough fun in their life as a baseline. However, with Julie, I know that that's not the issue because her baseline tracker has real life treats on it and she writes down, I can see she's taking walks, she's [00:03:00] doing stuff with her friends, she's, she's got a lot of joy. Built into her daily life. So we looked a little further because I knew it wasn't this lack of fun. As we discussed her thoughts and feelings, I recognized that even though she's organized, gets a lot done and is really attentive to her two kids and husband, she had this feeling of always taking care of everyone else's needs, even at work, where she was dealing with customers. Even though she developed routines to include pleasantness, she was doing even those sort of like chores. It was like a to do list to have fun each day. So, self care had just become one more item on the to do list. She checked off things regularly because they were laid out for her to check off, but not because She was sensing her own need to have some joy and was fulfilling that need.

Does that make sense?

Christina: It does. So in a sense, she was doing tasks and meeting expectations. It sounds like it became like work for her. And I can definitely relate to that. [00:04:00] And I know a few of my clients would agree as well.

Georgie: Yeah, I've had a lot of clients say, you know, meditation or stretching started out being really nice, but now it's just another chore. And it sort of takes on the opposite of the intent that we started with. I mean, we mean for these things to be like a vacation or a break from all the demands of the day, a time to stop pushing yourself to be productive. But again, no matter how we frame it, it's easy to turn them into tasks.

Christina: Right. And when there's already a hundred things drawing on your energy reserves, I think that's how a lot of people function. They just focus on outwardly, being efficient, getting things done, and possibly at the cost of losing touch with themselves. One of my clients really struggles with this. He knows he needs tools to deal with the distress he experiences because food isn't what he wants to choose anymore, but he has also said that taking care of himself feels like another thing he has to do. He describes the situation he's going through this way. And I think it's a [00:05:00] helpful analogy. He says he feels like a rubber band that has been stretched out and it's starting to lose the elasticity. He finds it harder and harder to get back to baseline.

He finds himself overreacting to situations stronger than he'd like to. He feels resentful. He has a lot on his plate, a stressful job. He's caring for his parents, social commitments, responsibilities, family life. And at the end of the week, or when we get on a call, he often asks, what about me? What happened?

Who's taking care of me?

Georgie: Yeah. Yeah. That sort of, when do I get my moment sentiment is, is, one that we hear. The practice that I've been working on with this client, which seems to really be helping, and maybe it'll help your client too, is just checking in on herself. Ideally, we would do this continually. We would always sort of monitor.

How am I doing? And then we're always available to respond to ourselves and are changing wants or needs. So, as I said, with many people, we default to like, well, let's make sure you're having fun or [00:06:00] pleasure in your life. And a lot of times that does fit the bill, but if somebody checks in and they're like, what I really need is a rest, then like purposely putting in the fun things might not hit the nail on the head in terms of getting them what they need. So if you think of a plant, she's sort of like watering at the same amount of water every day without checking if the plant is too dry or too moist, but we want to develop the habit of, like, touch the dirt, see if it needs more or less water on that particular day so that you can adjust.

Christina: I like that distinction. And as a plant person, it really resonates.

Georgie: I thought you would like that one, yeah.

Christina: Yes. Instead of planning out and always trying to do the same things to take care of ourselves, it's a little bit more effective to be attuned to our changing needs because they won't be the same every day. Like we've had super hot weather here where I live and what plants would normally be resistant and okay with like a couple of days of watering in between, they really [00:07:00] needed every single day.

But on other days, if it's raining or whatever, like it's a lot less attention that they're needing. So in the case of our clients, some weeks we might need more pleasure, but other weeks we might need more rest or downtime or social interaction or quiet evenings alone. For everybody listening, if you find yourself with this vague sense of where's mine or what about me, it's probably a clue that you haven't been attending to yourself enough. And it's starting to pop through to consciousness as an unmet need.

Georgie: I was just imagining when you said that, like, two little children, and if you see your sibling or whoever else's the other child, like, getting all the candy, getting all the hugs, getting all the piggyback rides, you're like, where's mine?

I think it's like a normal response to feeling like we're being shortchanged. So, I mean, I think that's a clue that we can use. Like, hey, maybe we're shortchanging ourselves. We have that voice come out. So doing tasks and meeting other people's desires [00:08:00] starts to feel unfair if you're not balancing it out, paying attention to what you want and need. And that discomfort can make it feel really tempting to just shove off some of the responsibility or tasks. And nutrition is often the first to go because what other tasks or responsibilities are you going to just shove off? Are you just like, Oh, I just won't pay my mortgage or, Oh, I just won't show up to work. Like, When we consider the consequences, sticking your nutrition goals in a drawer is really tempting because it's not going to cost you, financially, and it's not illegal, you won't get your kids taken away.

So, unfortunately, our personal nutrition and fitness goals are where things get trimmed. So, as we've covered, even though you're not going to pay for it financially or end up in jail, deciding to just like shed your responsibility and ignore your nutrition and fitness can cost you quite a bit when it comes to your progress.

Christina: right? So if you wanna start practicing this skill of checking in with yourself, it's as simple as asking, how am I [00:09:00] doing? Do I need anything? Usually people will forget to do this, so they'll set an alarm on their phone or stick a reminder in their calendar. I have clients who have put like a sticky note in their bathroom 'cause they're there every single morning or throughout the day. So this is just a way that at some point throughout the day, it's going to nudge you to check in on yourself.

Georgie: Yeah, and I think a lot of people, like I'll say younger me, previous Georgie included, was really poor at this because it was my way of operating to just tune out myself so that I could get more done. You know, it's like a productivity advantage or adaptation, like we're going to take everything you need and we're going to put that in our drawer so you can take care of all these other things and get more done. And so unlearning that takes some time to, to remind yourself, like, no, it's, it's actually a really good idea to tune into yourself and see what you can do for yourself. Even if it's not a matter of life or death. That still doesn't mean you can just ignore it. So when you [00:10:00] do practice checking in, you might be wondering like, what am I looking for here?

What do I potentially stand to find? So first things most obviously, you might have a physical need. You might notice, I'm kind of hungry, I'm kind of thirsty, or cold. You might notice you have to use the bathroom and you're just holding it by default to try and get some more emails done. Or you might want to go change into shorts because you're feeling too warm. As you may have guessed, the best thing to do if this is what you find is Make yourself more comfortable. Go get some water. Open the window. You might be really good at ignoring these sensations, but to get in the habit of being more responsive, it can work wonders for the level of comfort you feel during the day, and it can really decrease your stress level, which pays off in less predilection to grab fun foods.

Christina: You might also find that you are sleepy or you might be tired, but not exactly sleepy. You just have low energy. Mental fatigue can build up if you have a lot of brain [00:11:00] work to do. If you notice this feeling, it's a good time to take a break, get some fresh air, take a walk, turn off the phone, silence the slack notifications, or if it doesn't interrupt your sleep schedule, get a little boost with some caffeine.

Georgie: A lot of times when my clients begin to practice this, they notice a recurring theme is that they want something pleasant. So this is where we often get drawn to that hyper palatable food, like, Oh, some chips, chocolate would be super handy right now because they're really pleasant. A really tedious task like studying or trying to write a paper can make us think, Oh, you know, popcorn at the same time would make this much easier to get through. But we can add pleasantness in a lot of other ways. I often talk about using your other senses, and not just taste, to experience pleasant stimuli. So, you could think of something that feels really nice on your skin, something that's really enjoyable to hear, or things that are beautiful to see, and you can invite something pleasant into your [00:12:00] moment, but it doesn't have to necessarily default to food.

Christina: It sounds a lot like what we recommend for self soothing, too, which is using all of your senses to comfort yourself if you feel sad or disappointed or lonely. You might also find that when you check in that you could really use a hug or some reassurance. If someone else is around, great, but don't underestimate the value of giving yourself a hug or some reassuring words.

Georgie: My clients often say, Oh, I was really amped up and I needed to unwind, like that preceded an overeating incident. Do you hear that one too a lot?

Christina: Oh, yeah.

Georgie: So I've sort of added this one to the menu of things I ask people to be on the lookout for. Like, of course we have people pull out the feelings wheel and check their emotional state. We have them check on their physical state. But I think this sort of arousal level is another axis to check. Because if we're too high or too low, it leads to not feeling quite right. So I find most people have a pattern where they either end up too high most of the [00:13:00] time or they end up too low most of the time, but of course you can ping pong between both uncomfortable extremes. So when you're amped up, when you're feeling high arousal, you might feel overstimulated. This is a nervous system thing more than an emotion, but it's definitely something you can also attend to. So, you might find that when you're too low, you feel zoned out or hypo aroused, kind of in a fog. So, if you notice either of those, you can regulate your nervous system to get back into that comfortable middle ground. So, let's talk about what you can do if you're hyper aroused. Need to wind down. My top three picks are drinking a glass of water, because the act of swallowing actually slows down your heart and breathing rate, or using auditory or sound cues, like any sort of calming music. It might be classical or just, you know, You know, some slower, I love piano ballads. Nature sounds can be really like powerfully calming on the nervous system. Waves crashing is popular. I'm a [00:14:00] big fan of like the peeping frogs or calling birds. There's crackling fires, all sorts of good stuff you can find for free on YouTube. You can find nature sounds. You can also find lots of them on Spotify or on Insight Timer, the app. Also a guided meditation that has a calm human voice, I don't even think it even matters what words they're saying, but just

when you hear a calm human voice, we're programmed, genetically, it's part of our evolution to like, we calm down through co regulating with someone else's nervous system.

And when somebody is recording a guided meditation, they at least sound calm. They're not like, Okay, pay attention to your breathing. They're usually pretty, pretty chill. And like that prosody of the voice, they call it like where it goes up higher and then it comes down lower. Really has an impact on soothing us. Also, the third one that I recommend is some rhythmic body movements. Walking, swaying, doing some basic movement like arm circles or touching your toes. Some sun salutations if you're into [00:15:00] yoga. Not necessarily holding a pose, but like moving through several poses can, can help you feel like you're taking that edge off.

of a hyper aroused state. On the other end of the spectrum, if you find yourself on the hypo arousal side and you feel just numb, zoned out, you can gently increase the energy in your system in some pretty similar ways. Using the auditory, you know, portal again, you can listen to more upbeat things or energizing music.

And you might want to get moving starting very gently, but then seeing if you can increase the pace a little bit to sort of dial up your own energy. So use that upbeat music or getting moving can actually work way better than just flopping on the couch, which I get it is so tempting. I tend to stumble onto the hypo arousal side and I want to just be motionless. But then I just sort of like stay in that pond of low energy and actually trying to get some more energy into my brain and body seems to help me feel better sooner.

Christina: Yeah and the cool thing about [00:16:00] this is there are the short term immediate benefits that you feel of the more regulated nervous system, but there's also a lot of longterm benefits that you can gain from checking in on yourself as a habit. So we're going to name a few for you in case you're not convinced that it's worth it.

Georgie: But wait, there's more!

Christina: Yeah the first thing is you get less dysregulated. Those things that you were just describing, Georgie, and intentionally regulating your nervous system. You don't neglect yourself as much, which leads to being less resentful of others, which is definitely something that we can all benefit from if we're feeling burnt out and like we're doing a lot for other people.

It's also an opportunity for you to grow in some self compassion. It can help bolster your self esteem and it's a positive cycle. Another long term benefit is just being more present in life. If you're always on the lookout for the next thing that you want to complete, you're really just going through the motions.

And I don't know about you, Georgie, but most of the [00:17:00] people that I talk to, one of their goals, even if it's not stated outright, is just to feel more present in life rather than going through the motions.

Georgie: Totally. Nobody's like, you know, I'd really like to autopilot more.

Christina: Yeah,

Georgie: I really want this vacant life experience.

Christina: exactly. They're not coming to us if they want that so... another great benefit long term is more emotional granularity with practice. At first, as adult humans, we are not great at labeling emotions. It might be like, I feel bad, I feel okay, kinda meh. But as you check in with yourself more regularly, you actually become better at identifying what's going on. I'm mentally at capacity or I need something to look forward to. I need a win right now. All of these things lead to suffering less and a higher baseline comfort.

Georgie: It makes me think that we can make somewhat of a menu, you know, like we have the feelings wheel. [00:18:00] Something like when, like self check in. like, do I need anything physically? Do I need a hug or some interaction with another human? Do I need a rest? Something pleasant. Like

Christina: yeah. and we kind of have listed those categories already. We've got the physical, we've got the emotional, social might be on there, boundary setting, maybe we would add that, like hobbies, interests, any of those things could be a category of like being attuned to your needs.

Georgie: Yeah. Some of the things that like, obviously, because we work in this space all the time when we have these conversations on a regular basis, I could say things now, like, I really need some reassurance. Like 20 years ago, I would have been I'm in a bad mood, F off. Like,

Christina: Right. Yeah.

And getting better at that allows us to express our needs to others, I think, more easily as well.

Georgie: right. Yeah. That's the granularity piece that you talked about. It's not like, oh, let's impress everybody by how specifically we can name our [00:19:00] emotions.

It's more about like, if I know what I need is reassurance and a hug, then I can go get Reassurance and a hug and not like chase down some Oreos thinking that that's going to help.

Christina: hmm.

Georgie: So with my client that I had in mind when we're coming up with this topic, we also uncovered some black and white thinking that was playing a role her work in her personal life. Had gone from the baseline, which was already demanding to a completely overwhelming level. We didn't spend too much time getting into the reasons, but safe to say everyone listening can probably recall a phase or two like this in your life where one reason or another, you have more tasks to do than you have hours to do them. Your energy is bottomed out. And your brain is just pleading for some intervention or escape. My client had stopped tracking her habits for that week, and she was feeling somewhat disheartened. She said, I feel sometimes like [00:20:00] I've made all this progress. And then there's a week like this one. And it's like, I haven't changed a thing.

I'm emotionally eating. I'm eating treats without even stopping to think. And I could tell her worry was about more than just this one week of being out of practice. She was really questioning whether a long term change was even possible for her. Like, has this, year's journey of going through nutrition coaching, Even done me any good when I have a week where I do all of my old behaviors.

Christina: We can recognize this kind of global, is everything hopeless worry in someone who has been stretched past their limit, like that rubber band analogy we talked about earlier. When our challenges outnumber our coping resources. We often feel doubtful that we can make the long term changes that we Set out to make it can be really discouraging.

Sometimes people feel angry and irritable and find themselves lashing out at other people or picking fights or sinking into passive [00:21:00] aggression. They sometimes contemplate quitting coaching or quitting on their weight loss goals altogether. In addition to, or instead of taking their unhappiness out on others, people may also take it in, turning their uncomfortable feelings into that bitter self criticism and self blame. Sometimes people start to feel hopeless and shut down. All of these signals can clue us in that something needs to change.

Georgie: I suggested to my client that instead of trying to do the same behaviors all the time, but then falling completely out of them periodically, when it was a time of peak stress or crisis, we could have an adjusted set of behaviors that she could aim to complete. during those really tricky times. These would be more minimalist and call for less energy and thought, but it would prevent her from feeling like she just dropped the whole trying to be healthy project onto the floor. I like to think of these as the essentials or the minimums that we can decide for ourselves. If you pay [00:22:00] attention, you'll notice that times of excess stress can turn even the most rational and measured of us into a black or white thinker. We might say, I can't eat five servings of veggies, I can't get protein into each meal, and I have eaten so many gummy sharks this week, I don't even want to know.

So just forget all of it. I'll start again next month.

Christina: As with other forms of all or nothing thinking, the best treatment for this situation is to remind ourselves of all the middle ground options in between these two extremes. Is that what you did with this client, Georgie?

Georgie: Absolutely. It's what I do with myself too. I know if I get frustrated with my skiing, I'm like, that's it. If I'm not getting as good as I want to be, I'm going to stop. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's a lot of middle ground

that, you know, desperation can sort of cloud us to seeing.

I recommended that she focused back on the essentials of.

Like let's just keep using your hunger and fullness. She's really strong with those, and she felt like those take very little energy for her to use them to guide her eating. But then it really [00:23:00] helped if she would just give herself a pass for a while and not worry about the content of her meals, specifically the vegetables and the protein elements. I mean, I get it, if you're not grocery shopping as frequently, you might not have meals that have the normal amount of vegetables in them. Maybe you end up eating more in restaurants, so the meals are higher in fat, or You're on vacation with a vegetarian and there doesn't seem to be much protein in their diet and you're eating together, so you're also eating some lower protein meals. Really, you won't gain massive amounts of weight, regardless of the specifics of the food on your plate, if you're still able to stay in tune with that hunger and fullness anchor as your minimums. Yes, even if you're eating baguette and cheese for a week, the example I often use of myself in Paris.

Christina: hmm.

Georgie: When I went many years ago, I literally ate white bread and cheese for an entire week, but I just focused on hunger and fullness and it was fine. So if your usual strategy for treats is to have a certain amount per day, like one [00:24:00] serving or a particular calorie amount, that's what it was for this client. That was really stressing her out because she didn't feel like she could stick to that during this acute stress phase in her life. So, during times of peak stress, we've seen clients bail completely on their treat strategy and just go, okay, I'm eating whatever, whenever. And that usually goes along with feeling I'm off plan, with the vague sense that they'll restart sometime in the future when life gets easier. This I'm just off plan approach can reduce the mental effort that you expend around food, but it has drawbacks. One of the key concerns for our clients is even a week or two of eating whatever treats can rapidly begin undoing weight loss progress. So instead, we recommend modifying your treat strategy into something that still feels doable instead of just throwing it away altogether. So maybe you don't feel able to stick to the same treats budget of servings or calories, but you can still prevent free for all eating by being selective in [00:25:00] some way. For example, you may decide, I'm only going to eat treats sitting down, or I'm only going to eat them with company, or I'm only going to eat them at this one time of day. The exact criteria can depend on you and your preferences and what feels doable. But there's always a lot of room between the ideal and not trying at all.

Christina: Exactly. I think that's such a good example of combating the all or nothing. I have a client recently from this week who has been trying to eat more meals at home versus eating out. And the week before she ate like all seven dinners at home and she was super excited and proud about that. And then the next week she worked like eight days in a row with no days off, like 10 hour shifts and was just exhausted.

And so the goal, the original goal we had set was just like three a week, just trying to eat three meals at home. And she was able to recognize that's still progress. I'm still moving forward, but this was my minimum. So you can really adapt that skill to [00:26:00] whatever you're currently working on, whether it's treats Or anything. So I think it's such a transferable thing that we can lose sight of sometimes. So to recap, the two main skills that we described in this episode are one, checking in with your state during the day and attending to your needs that you identify and two having an adjusted plan to fall back on when your life is feeling unmanageably busy or demanding.

They might sound like completely unrelated things to work on, but they're both key elements which will enable you to navigate those peak stress times in your life without backsliding on your eating. Bear in mind these skills are equally helpful with other health behaviors like managing your sleep and fitness.

Maybe you can't do your usual six hours at the gym during the week that you have a major project due at work, But perhaps what you can do is walk on your lunch break and get two hours in at the gym. It's definitely better than nothing.

Georgie: Well said. If you enjoyed today's episode, [00:27:00] definitely let us know by leaving a five star review. And if you have a question that you'd like to ask us, fire it to me directly. You can reach me through email at georgiefear at gmail. com. I hope this has been helpful for you. We will see you in the next episode.