Confident Eaters

Chelsea thats not a problem for food to solve
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Georgie: [00:00:00] Hey friends, it's Georgie back with another episode of the Confident Eaters podcast. Today, we will rejoin a session with Chelsea, whom you met a few weeks ago. Last time we spoke about managing boredom and as luck would have it, Chelsea has had exactly no boredom since we spoke about it. She won a huge award and it has kept her very, very busy.

We'll also talk some more today about keeping weight loss in perspective. As she's having success and seeing the scale go down, she's very aware that she doesn't want to get too hooked on the scale and trying to hurry it up, potentially overextending herself into diet land. We also talk some about the caution needed when you're managing the effort level you're putting into weight loss.

Too much effort and feelings of deprivation are a strong predictor of becoming unhappy, binge eating, or just flat out quitting. But also, if you don't put in any effort, change simply isn't going to happen. So you can learn a lot from this [00:01:00] conversation with Chelsea about dialing in the right amount of effort to put in.

Chelsea also noticed that she was having thoughts of having earned dessert at the end of the day. She wasn't sure why the idea of earning it didn't seem right, but it didn't. So listen in for ideas on how to expertly manage your own experience of effort, deprivation, and challenge while losing weight.

One more note, when we talk about the scale, you'll notice that Chelsea mentions colors. That's because she's using something called the Shapa scale. S H A P A. It's pretty cool. Give it a Google. Instead of putting numbers in front of your eyeballs, this scale gives you a color that reflects the trend over the previous two weeks.

So you can know whether you're trending upward, staying about the same, or trending downward without getting too much hung up on the numbers or the day to day fluctuations. Okay, enjoy the call. If you have any questions or could use a hand for yourself, drop a line [00:02:00] georgiefear@gmail. com. Welcome to the Confident Eaters Podcast, where you get proven methods to end overeating, emotional eating, and stressing about food. We are heading for harmony between your body, food and feelings, hosted by me, Georgie Fear, and my team at Confident Eaters.

Chelsea: Hello. How you doing?

Georgie: I'm doing okay. You look like you're very tired.

Chelsea: I'm very tired. I feel like I have run a marathon and like not in a cool, accomplished, I use my body kind of way. Just the, I could use like an entire week off and a nap kind of way.

Georgie: Yeah. Were you busy over the weekend?

Chelsea: Yeah. Yep. I was. The past two weeks have been an interesting blend of like, I won a really huge, like, A really huge national professional level [00:03:00] award. Yeah. Which is just insane.

Georgie: Good for you!

Chelsea: Thank you. And so it was just like this roller coaster of, on the one hand, the high of that is honestly like, I don't even know how to put it into words, but then while there's all this extra stuff I have to do to try and capitalize on it, or, combined with like, there's the high high of this recognition, but I still have these cash flow problems I need to solve.

And I'm like, stretched thin from all the extra activity around this that I literally, I have made a chai today and I'm going to eat breakfast right after this call, that's where that's at.

Georgie: Yeah, you know, Rhonda Rousey is,

Chelsea: yeah,

Georgie: She wrote a book that I read and she talks about like winning a silver medal in the Olympics and then like going home and she's living out of her car.

And she's like, it's so funny. you have a silver medal. Everybody thinks you should be on top of the world. And you're like eating at McDonald's and like broke as can [00:04:00] be.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: So yeah.

Chelsea: Yeah, that's kind of how, how the past two weeks have been. It's definitely been interesting from like a food perspective where I'd say last week, I was so sort of busy and going on the adrenaline that it was really hard to find time to eat a little bit like today.

Georgie: Ok

Chelsea: And I think it's interesting because in a previous life, or even just like maybe a year ago, it would have been snacking on junk food all day, not being present.

Georgie: Yeah.

Chelsea: It kind of would have been like the opposite of I probably would have actually been eating more because it would have been mindless and like, I just have to do this.

Georgie: Yeah. Like not organized at all. Just graze. Yeah.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Yeah. In some ways I'm like, okay, I don't want to overshoot this. Like eating breakfast at 4 30 PM. Not great. We can overcorrect, that's a thing. But on the [00:05:00] other, it does feel like I'm actually okay being hungry. I don't feel like I am dying. I could really use a nap, I could use a break.

But like, that's not like a problem for food to solve. I just need to make sure that I do actually eat.

Georgie: Yeah, yeah, I like that that's not a problem for food to solve.

Chelsea: Yeah,

Georgie: I was noticing today like I'm very tired I had to get up at, you know, very early hour to drive somebody to an airport, and I'm driving, and I totally wanted to just graze graze graze.

And I'm like, this is not a feeling for food to solve. This is,

Chelsea: yeah,

Georgie: it's not what I want to do.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: Specifically we talked last time about managing boredom, which is almost ironic considering how busy you've been.

Chelsea: Yeah. Yeah. Like putting, I don't even think I can comment on it because I don't think I've really had an opportunity to cope with boredom and like develop that muscle as much.

Georgie: Totally okay! Unless you want to talk about [00:06:00] something else specifically, I'm thinking we could sort of talk about another emotional situation and handling it.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: Unless there's something specific that you were like, I want to talk about that.

Chelsea: So yeah, I can probably give you like a quick rundown and I made sure to put in comments so I wouldn't like forget what some of, what some of these days were like let's see. One, I did actually calculate the calories in these cookies that I eat. It's about 125. Calories per I did pick up some 2 percent milk. So I have some of that for whenever I actually have cookies. I had some like, I don't know, accidental fried food this weekend where like I ordered something, didn't realize it was fried.

I was like, shit, I don't really have time to have something else. So I, I guess this is it. I maybe wouldn't have chosen this, but like, this is good and I'll enjoy it. And honestly. I could probably use the calories to be real.

Georgie: It's not a terrible thing, right? Just like, the more we realize [00:07:00] those things, the more we know for next time. So spring rolls, I see, was one of them.

Chelsea: Yes, I thought that they were the ones with the little, like, clear wrappery things and then realized.

Georgie: Those are summer rolls.

Chelsea: I know, shit, okay. Well, live and learn.

Georgie: Yeah.

Chelsea: I think other than this, maybe the main challenge in the past two weeks related to food specifically, not so much just the stress or the like finding time to eat.

Waiting till I'm hungry, not a problem. Like that actually feels like it's rock and rolling. Awesome. I think the most challenging was making sure I got enough protein. Basically, the long and short is I would get to the end of the day and before I knew it, the day was over and I was like, That was like two servings of protein or it was two like smaller servings of protein.

Like I think I need more than this. And definitely on some of these like more action packed days, like the day of the award ceremony.

Georgie: Yeah,

Chelsea: I was being like taken around to talk [00:08:00] to all these people. And before I knew it, I had basically eaten one meal and I had to just like shove in some calories and then go to bed.

Georgie: Yeah, okay. Luckily it's not your daily thing to be that.

Chelsea: Yeah, yeah. But yeah, definitely like, I was having the thought this week of like, I really don't want to overcorrect and eat too little. Or I really don't want like the protein to suffer or eating enough vegetables. Especially because man, I definitely experienced that seduction of like my little scale tracker has been blue, which is like the best one.

Georgie: Okay. It's funny how you say the best, right?

Chelsea: Yeah, exactly. Like just goes to show like what culture we live in.

Georgie: Right. Which is losing rapidly.

Chelsea: Yeah, exactly. For the entire solid two weeks. And I was like, Oh, this is, So reinforcing, like, yeah, I'm on the fence. I could eat more, but like, wouldn't it be exciting to see that number even lower tomorrow?

And I was like, girl, [00:09:00] this is not the road to go down. Like that's, yeah.

Georgie: What are you aware of that could go negatively if you get too excited?

Chelsea: I think probably the big one would just be like setting up for rebound. Like, this is too much deprivation, this is not sustainable you're probably not getting enough calories to, like, keep on the muscle that you've worked hard to get

and you can't keep this up for a long time, and, this Yeah.

Georgie: Yeah, it can also make you obsess about food.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Your whole

Georgie: life can start to revolve around Oh, I'm going to eat the minimal calories possible so I can be lower on the scale, but I'm hungry, but I want to be lower on the scale, but I'm hungry, but I want to be lower on the scale.

Okay, well, I'll eat this, but I want to be lower on the scale. So we need all of it. And then like your life becomes.

Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like it's such like a kind of boring, small way to live.

Yeah

Chelsea: Yeah like, don't get me wrong, I'm excited by all the little projects I have with dance and lifting and this, [00:10:00] but if I'm catching up with a friend and like, all I have to talk about is like, eating and my weight, like, no, that, that ain't it.

Georgie: Yeah. What are you into? Calorie counting.

Chelsea: Yeah, exactly.

Georgie: It's good. It's good that you're aware of it. Cause it's fine to acknowledge that thing like, Ooh, it's exciting to lose weight, but I'm going to make sure that it doesn't cloud my vision to some of the other things that I want to make sure I'm keeping in mind, like how's my energy for all these dance rehearsals and performances that I want to do? How's my strength, if you're lifting any weights? So just make sure you, you don't start ignoring those things in favor of, and I tell people, if you think about like a deprivation meter, you don't want to let your deprivation meter go really high. You want to keep your deprivation meter lower.

It's like, I'm accepting some challenge here. I'm never feeling like I'm owed or I'm entitled. And you did mention feeling like you've earned dessert, which could be an indication [00:11:00] of that.

Chelsea: Yeah. And that was especially a thing I would say last week was like, I would get to the end of the day and I was like, I want this thing, damn it.

Honestly, last few days I didn't even really have time to have that thought. I just was so tired. I wanted to go to bed, so.

Georgie: Right. Yeah. Okay, so if you can think back and imagine yourself in that state of like, I have earned dessert, going to bed without, it would just be deprivation.

Chelsea: Mm-Hmm. ,

Georgie: Put yourself there right now.

Chelsea: Mm-Hmm.

Georgie: !Tell me, what did you do to earn dessert?

Chelsea: I think the main one was like, I did the other habits for the rest of the day. Like I quote, "ate well the rest of the day". I like got my protein. I wasn't grazing. I didn't have a treat at other meals. I think there is an element of like, you survived the day, congratulations. But I think it is more to do with food than just the getting through [00:12:00] the day kind of stuff.

Georgie: Sure. Okay. So I can offer some, some tidbits and reframes there.

Chelsea: Cool.

Georgie: One of the difficulties with like earning something is that the reward sort of becomes the point.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: like we work for a paycheck, most of us. And so very many people would say like, that's the reason I do the work.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: But there may be other reasons that you do the work. So think about your job. You're passionate about it. You love instructing. You love the world of art. You like seeing more people create good art.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: If you simplify it down to like, this is how I pay my rent. You miss out on like some of the depth of your motivations there. So that's one of the things we want to be careful with is you're not doing healthy habits so you can eat cookies.

Chelsea: Yeah, exactly. And it, when that was coming up, I was like, Oh, talk about this thing this week.

Georgie: Yeah.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: Good! I [00:13:00] mean, it's good that that sort of thing was like, I don't feel like that's a perfect fit. I don't know why, but something about it itches.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: So again, you can remind yourself like I ate well, not for the simple, the only reason being because I can eat cookies later. I eat well because I care about myself because it helps me excel at my art and sport and competition and keep my heart and lungs healthy and live a long, less diseased life, and feel great in my pants. Like, there's so many reasons here that you would eat healthy. That you would do it, stand alone.

Chelsea: Yeah

Georgie: and it's also a fact that a balanced diet is what you're describing where it's mostly healthy behaviors with some behaviors that may not be perfectly healthy, but are perfectly enjoyable.

Chelsea: Yeah, yeah,

Georgie: we do want to include that reality. I just like to think of it as, yes, this is an example of balance because I know most of my meals are healthy. I am not [00:14:00] even worried about eating a dessert.

Chelsea: Yeah. I don't know how this data point factors in, but I think that's like part of the almost like sabotaging thought of the quote, like better I am or a better way to articulate that would be the more adherent I am to like practicing as many of these habits as consistently and with as much ease as possible, the more like, Oh, well, I, I should be balancing this out. So I don't like start to feel deprived. Which is funny because when I think about like the fried foods, like my girlfriend took me to have Colombian food and it was the first time I had done that. And it was lovely. And she got a sandwich and she got fries and. I realized, like, I haven't really ordered fries. in months. And when she had them in front of me, I was like, yeah, these aren't really tempting. [00:15:00] Like, I think maybe one entire fry just in terms of little tidbits that I had off her plate to kind of see, like, do I really miss this? Or would I want this? Or, Is this sort of like lost its appeal?

And that was kind of the answer. Like it didn't taste as satisfying as like the stuff I have on my plate.

Georgie: Good, okay.

Chelsea: And I was like, okay, so I know that I can let go of some of these things and not feel deprived. So I don't know why I'm holding on to some of them and not others.

Georgie: Yeah. It's almost like you can see deprivation in the eye of the beholder.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: It's not uniform. It's not like saying no to this many calories equals deprivation of this magnitude.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: Some things are easy to pass up or let go. And some things we really cling to, and we're going to be really uncomfortable if we can't have them. And it's not logical. That is an emotional distinction.

So [00:16:00] You don't need to prevent deprivation and keep that meter at zero to prevent a backside or a binge. Sometimes people have learned, okay, too much deprivation puts me in binge territory. So I want to keep that at zero. Now, the problem with that is that trying to prevent deprivation is unrealistic. And usually will mean indulging our whims before they even arise.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: It's like trying to put out something that might not even happen. And so you end up preventing hunger and preventing, you know, you say yes to everything because you're so afraid of the deprivation. And deprivation itself is a word that sort of connotes extremes. So you could think of it as I can't think of a one word here.

I'll have to noodle on that later, but like, I don't have to have everything I want the second I want it or I'll die.

Chelsea: yeah ,

Georgie: like I can handle a little challenge or a little desiring and not having it [00:17:00] instantly and I'm going to be okay, but I'm not going to push that past a certain point.

Chelsea: Yeah, I think framing it as an additional challenge the same way as like sitting with hunger, like it is a muscle that you are building rather than you're just starving yourself of something.

Georgie: Yeah, the you can't always get what you want line. I won't sing it, I promise. It can be very helpful to sing to ourselves, you can't always get what you want put a little levity into it. Like really, Georgie, you're going to be okay. If you don't have exactly this thing now.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: Like I'm, I'm okay. I'm going to survive. I'm not glass here. I'm going to make sure that I take good care of myself and get myself plenty of nice things in my life. I'm not going to like make the purpose of my life is not suffering denial. I'm not going to be a monk. But like, I'm also going to be okay if I don't have the Ferrari or whatever, you know, impractical thing I might desire in that [00:18:00] second.

Cool. So the idea of I've earned dessert, you might frame that in terms of a dessert fits in because my eating is mostly healthy. It doesn't mean I need to have it now, with opportunities going away. I might have it tomorrow, might have it the next day. Like it's just nice to know that I can have a dessert when I want it.

Chelsea: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Georgie: But you also don't want to eat it just because you can.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: Because we can do something, doesn't mean we want to do it. It's like, One of the lessons that many of us need many rehearsals of when it comes to eating, because dieting always told us you can't do this. You can't do this. You can't do this.

And then it's like, Oh, actually you can go to the grocery store, buy all the chips they have and try to consume them all. You'll be quite ill and uncomfortable, but it's not against the law. And it's not against the laws of physics. Like you can give it your best shot. It doesn't mean you want to.

Chelsea: Yeah. Yeah. That's really helpful.

Georgie: Good. Good. Good. So reframing that earned dessert. And [00:19:00] then the idea of deprivation, like you don't have to prevent every droplet of deprivation or inconvenience because you can handle some challenge and that's how you strengthen your resilience and you get results. But we're not going to take that so far that we're living in, you know, not getting any of the things that we want.

Chelsea: Yeah. No, I think that's very helpful, especially, I don't know, but it definitely applies to other areas. I was having a, let's sit down and talk about money, and how we want to save money and how we want to like use money to build a life together with my girlfriend. And it's definitely like, This conversation has echoes of that conversation of she had listened to like the patterns and what I was saying was just as I basically want to be able to do like what I want and not have to say no to things.

And she's like, that seems to be a big driver. And now this conversation today, I realize like, oh, it's the same thing. Like, I'm like afraid of that feeling of having to say no to myself or someone else. So [00:20:00] definitely a muscle we're strengthening.

Georgie: Would you say that it's true that you can handle hearing no occasionally?

Chelsea: Yeah. Yeah. I think it's something I need to kind of remind myself of.

Georgie: Yeah. Yeah. And that's not unusual. Like I've had this conversation with a lot of people. There's an episode of the podcast that's around the power of no or something. It's probably in the first 10. It's a really old one. Because yeah, like I've realized

This is like simultaneously a critique of many parents and parenting situations that kids grow up in, as well as the education system, as well as the diet industry. Sometimes we've gotten very skewed representations of yes and no. If someone tells us yes too much and never says no, we have a very hard time handling no.

And if we tell ourselves no all the time, we start to have problems with yes. Either it feels unsafe or we swing the opposite direction and we never want to hear no [00:21:00] again. It's so bad. It's like hunger, right? Like if you, if you expose somebody to too much hunger through like restrictive dieting or anorexia, they very often come through that and go, I never want to feel hungry again.

And so the opposite end of the pendulum. So that can be like a little mantra, like remind your for yourself, like I can handle hearing no on occasion.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: I can handle it.

Chelsea: I think that's very helpful.

Georgie: And it makes the yeses more valuable. Like if I say no to buy movie tickets every week so that I can say yes to buying this other experience that I really want to do, it's even a little more heightened because I chose to forego other things for it.

Chelsea: Yeah Yeah

And I think about times where I really wanted to say yes to something and I didn't for some reason, and I'm like, do I still care about that thing now? No, like, I don't know.

Georgie: Awesome. hopefully those will help you get through the next little bit. I also know when we're busy, it's really tempting to sort of forget a lot of the real life [00:22:00] treats and default to food because it's inexpensive. It fits in a two minute break or while we're doing something else.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: And the, I deserve this, or I've earned this, can be some sort of distortion of the idea that like, I haven't had any joy in my life today. I have been doing things for other people or being productive all the time. And that feels imbalanced. So to balance it I want some pleasure and my brain might be like cookies, but there's a lot of sources of pleasure.

So like, maybe I want to like turn off my phone and laptop and like lay in bed and listen to music or something.

Chelsea: That's really good. That sounds like exactly what I need after this call. Frankly. Well, I need food because I actually do need food because I haven't eaten.

Georgie: Yes.

Chelsea: And that. Yes.

Georgie: Okay. So get yourself some food to satisfy your physical needs and then do something enjoyable.

Chelsea: Yeah.

Georgie: Because it's a good part of a balanced life.

Chelsea: Sounds really, really good. [00:23:00] I have like a couple of other work tasks today, but I'm going to just I can circle back to that after I dance. It's going to take 15 minutes.

Georgie: Yes.

Chelsea: I want to do some other stuff for a while.

Georgie: Nice. All right. Well, go eat. Enjoy yourself.

Chelsea: Yep. Awesome. Well, I'm looking forward to reconnecting in a couple of weeks.

Georgie: Awesome. All right. Talk to you soon.

Chelsea: Bye.