Confident Eaters

Handling other people dieting
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Georgie: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Confident Eaters Podcast, where you get proven methods to end overeating, emotional eating, and stressing about food. We are heading for harmony between your body, food and feelings, hosted by me, Georgie Fear, and my team at Confident Eaters.

Christina: Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Confident Eaters podcast. I am one of your hosts, Christina, and with me is Georgie, and we're here today to talk to you about how to handle other people dieting. And talking about it. Hey, Georgie, how are you doing

Georgie: today?

I am great, thanks. I'm excited to talk about this one. I think a lot of people probably read that title and were like, Oh my god, I need this. Having a specific person in mind.

Christina: Definitely. Because we know that diet talk is going to happen in life, whether we [00:01:00] like it or not. This topic can come up at any given time. It's a pervasive thing that we hear about fad diets and body dissatisfaction, especially in certain parts of the world. And most people who struggle with body dissatisfaction, they want to lose weight. And that's where dieting comes in. you've probably had a family member, or a colleague, or a friend go on some kind of diet or another.

Everybody is on their own journey and has their reasons for going on a diet. There are probably more common times than others when someone might go on a diet if they have some kind of health diagnosis or visits at the doctor and are told that they could benefit from losing weight. Or the new year, I mean, I know we're a month or so in, but this is a common time where people might go on a diet and focus on their health.

Other, other times might be a fear of regaining weight if they've experienced some kind of weight loss or if they have some kind of special event. I know I have a lot of clients who will sign up because they've got their kid's wedding coming [00:02:00] up or a class reunion or like a big milestone birthday or

Georgie: a beach vacation may be

Christina: exactly exactly.

Georgie: Yeah, so it is pretty pervasive. I agree. The funny thing I find about diet talk or people, you know, just raving about this wonderful diet that they're on is that it's almost universally positive experiences if you just listen to what people say. But we know that the truth is that most people who are dieting are not having the time of their lives.

You know, people are. Super stoked to talk about this new program when it's going well, and especially when they've lost that early sort of easy batch of pounds. I think that's when people are the most verbal about what they're doing and wanting to tell everyone about it and everyone in their family and workplace knows exactly what they're doing.

But then when that same person is maybe slipping from their diet or they start breaking the rules or they are completely off of it and they [00:03:00] never want to see it again, they just tend to go silent at all those times. So if all you listen to is the words that are broadcast, you would think that. All these diets are just fantastic and that they all work.

When we quit a diet, I don't think, I haven't had too many people announce that.

Christina: Me neither.

Georgie: So what we hear is like, yeah, I'm doing great, I'm down six pounds, yay me. But I don't know anybody that actually likes listening to other people talk about their diets, do you?

Christina: I don't, and I think where diet talk could become problematic for people is if you're someone, a lot of people we work with are recovering from some type of disordered eating, often binge eating or a poor relationship with food, or if you have a long history of dieting, you've been around the block and you're kind of burnt out from trying to Every single diet out there, it can be kind of triggering to hear other people talk about that.

And what I mean by triggering is that it can just bring up some feelings all kinds of feelings [00:04:00] about your own choices with food or your body as it is now, and that can lead to some comparison. So if you're listening to this podcast, then chances are you're looking for something different than The typical fad diet that's rearing its head at this time and you want to become a confident, sensible eater, which is why we're here.

Georgie: Yeah. So when someone in the room is saying, Oh, I don't eat sugar. And I'm like halfway through blueberry muffin. I'm suddenly not having as much fun. And I think the same happens, not just with food specific talk, but with fat talk, as I call it. So when one person comments on how, Oh, I don't want to eat that because my thighs are so fat.

Or I really want to lose 10 pounds by our Mexico vacation. It really makes every person within earshot question, Well, does that person think the same thing about me? And who else in the room is busy making all these appearance assessments and if [00:05:00] she's analyzing her thigh diameter, is she analyzing my thigh diameter?

Like, geez, I was just enjoying my lunch.

Christina: Right. It, I think that's when it can become problematic. If people are talking about how much they dislike their own bodies or judging other people's bodies. I know that can also be, it's not just, Oh, I feel so fat. Sometimes it's like, Oh, look at that other person making comments about what or how much somebody else is eating or how much weight they've lost in their most recent juice cleanse or how they need to get bikini beach ready, like you said for their Mexico vacation.

You might start to feel like there's something wrong with your body or the food that you're eating, that muffin that you have in your hand. Especially if you're someone who is insecure or uncertain about your own journey with food or your body, then you might start to feel like maybe I should be on a diet?

Question mark?

Georgie: Yeah. I do think that as we move further along in our confident eating [00:06:00] journey, we don't feel as vulnerable to those things. And it's like, Oh, you don't eat sugar. Can I have your muffin too?

Christina: Right.

Georgie: I think sometimes it doesn't necessarily have to impact us negatively, but especially if we're still trying to say sayonara to the part of us that really wanted crash diets or calorie counting to turn us into a supermodel.

And we're trying to let go of that and embrace our lives. As real as they are and our bodies as real as they are and find what's optimal in this universe, that it can be, it can shake us a little bit, it can shake our commitment to hear somebody else saying like, Oh, I'm doing a super easy thing and I've lost so much weight.

Christina: Right.

Georgie: I feel like the, the body comments, obviously if they're negative, like, Oh, I'm so fat, makes people feel bad. But I think even if somebody's saying about another woman, like, she's so thin, like she lost so much weight. She looks amazing.

Christina: Yeah.

Georgie: That kind of has the same. effect in the end of just like, Oh, so [00:07:00] we're focusing on praising people for their lightness.

Got it. It just sets a cultural standard. So yeah, I think all of this can make us squirm with a little bit of discomfort. So when we hear these things, We have choices, you know, how do we want to respond? How do we want to govern our own actions and thoughts? I'll give you a few things that I suggest avoiding.

So even though I don't ever tell people what to do, you might think of this as the probably don't list. So first, don't engage in nutritional debate. I mean, I know from years of experience doing what I do, that people will try and drag me into these things. Like, so did you know that low carb is actually better for endurance athletes?

And trust me, I really sometimes want to take that bait. And I have to remember no one ever wins in these discussions because even scientists can go back and forth and throw lots of data at each other. So yeah, yeah. The person who's not a nutrition professional, [00:08:00] who watched a documentary on, Netflix that was highly convincing to them, is going to come at me with very, very angled, pre made conclusions.

And so if I try to use actual facts and evidence, even that is unlikely to win. So nobody actually wins these things. I don't see people change their minds. And there are so many different things that can be effective for weight loss that it would be an endless discussion to try and hash out all of the pros and all of the cons and all of the things that might make it contraindicated for a particular individual.

So yeah, I just tried not to even start that debate. I try not to discuss, is this diet better than that? Or is this diet good or bad? I find the easiest way out of that one is I just turn it around to the person's experience. So, someone accosted me in a veterinary waiting room once while I was waiting for my dog and somehow she got out of me that I'm a dietician and she's like, Oh, and I know as soon as [00:09:00] somebody does that, I'm like, they're going to tell me what they're doing.

Oh yeah. Tell me about some crazy thing that she's doing and how she believes that it cured her cancer and all of that. And she wanted me to validate it. Like, this is incredible, right? And I was, I just turned it around to say, I am so happy that you are better and that you're feeling good today. Like, that just makes my heart really glad.

I'm not talking about your whatever supplement tea, cottage cheese miracle. I'm really glad that you're doing well. That's what means the most to me. And that's, that's a pretty benign way to escape some of those nutritional debates.

Christina: That's why you're a pro at communicating and nutrition is science.

Georgie: Because I don't talk about nutrition.

Christina: Well, and I've totally fallen for that bait people when they find out that I'm a nutrition coach will same try to bring up the thing that they're working on. And sometimes I, I do, I'm a few years behind several years behind you in the, in the profession, but [00:10:00] I'm still falling for that conversation where I want to convince them that sustainable is the way to go, but it doesn't always work out in my favor. So I can learn from, what you're sharing, things to avoid.

Georgie: Right? It's like, you do you.

Christina: Turn it around

Georgie: if somebody's, you know, trying to start this with you, typically they are really enjoying something or they're feeling positively about whatever they're promoting.

And so I, Just I'm glad that they feel positively about it and that their experience has been good. I don't give them the validation of saying, yes, that's healthy. I don't give them the validation of saying, yes, I would recommend that unless it's 100 percent truthful. And most of the time it's not. So it's sort of like, yeah, congrats on that.

Second thing that I think is probably good to avoid in this situation is making the assumption that they're saying anything about you. Like if somebody brings up the diet that they're doing, it doesn't mean that they're making any sort of comment about your weight. You know, sometimes some of my clients that [00:11:00] are in larger bodies will say, Oh, so and so always talks about dieting in front of me.

And I think it's because they think I should go on a diet and I'm like, I don't know. I mean, obviously I'm biased because everyone talks about food in front of me. It's my job. But I think women and men of every size hear diet talk and fat talk in a lot of places. I don't think it's related to the listener in any way.

I think it may just be about the speaker.

Christina: Yeah, and there's also the spotlight effect. Sometimes we think that people are paying attention to what we're doing and that it's about us, but most everyone is thinking that about themselves rather than focusing on you. But it's easy, it's an easy thing to Assume.

So I think it's a great warning. Caution.

Georgie: Yeah. Third, I would say. If somebody really makes it clear that they are talking about you, that that would be different. So let's say it's a really persistent family member who's like, I'm just concerned about your health, honey. Have you read this book by [00:12:00] this diet doctor?

I mean, really, this might be the answer for you. In that case, you're going to want to shush them for sure. But you're probably Not wrong in assuming it's about you, you know, if somebody is clearly making it about you. So Christina's going to get to some of the ways we can end and escape those discussions in other ways.

I would say that if someone is clearly making weight related comments to you or directly encouraging you to do a particular diet or program, we definitely don't wanna just agree with them. We might think that's the best way to get them to leave me alone. Like, I'll just like, yes, mom, but it doesn't necessarily work.

Lastly, I would say, don't assume that what they're doing is better than what you are currently doing. What you're doing might be the best fit for you and what that other person is doing. They may be a little bit blind to some of the costs that they're paying and they may be so enthralled with some of the early weight loss.

That they're not bringing up the [00:13:00] fact that they have heart palpitations, jitters, and haven't slept in three days. So, you know, you never know what they're not telling you at the same time. And what they're doing might not be totally comfortable or totally sustainable. So they're not focusing on those elements.

They're focusing on like the pounds, the pounds I've lost and how great it is.

Christina: Exactly. So shifting gears a little bit, let's talk about some things that you might want to try if diet talk comes up and you're feeling a little bit stressed about it. First we mentioned this earlier, but Acknowledging that you and everyone else is on their own journey can be really helpful and it helps you to extend Understanding to those who are bringing up this topic. They might be very steeped in diet culture and for a lot of diets, they can be Somewhat all consuming it for people they can make it their personality for a period of time because it is such a major shift From how they were [00:14:00] living and eating previously So if these people are putting so much effort into this new way of eating It's going to be something that they talk about and we can understand that This is a big change for them and be understanding and move on and for a lot of people that we work with and probably most of our listeners, it can become problematic to hear so much diet talk because a lot of people have lived a lifetime of those fad diets, lots of restriction, and they're trying to move away from that.

They want something more sustainable, but if everyone else is still steeped in it, it can feel like that's a normal thing, even more normal than what they're currently doing, even if it is looking a little less appealing to you.

Georgie: Yeah. If we've had a lifetime of our thinking being organized around our weight and food and our appearance, it's challenging to like turn that ship around and start thinking about like, who am I as a human being and my relationships and my [00:15:00] goals and my dreams and all of these other things.

And it's easy to get pulled back. it's like if you grew up speaking one language and you haven't heard it in 10 years, and all of a sudden you hear someone speaking it, you're going to be like, whoa.

Christina: Yeah, that's a good analogy. I also think a lot of people don't realize how much they are talking about it because it just becomes so normal in our society.

I think there are some shifts happening, but I, I have a client who is she's currently working on overcoming binge eating and getting out of that restrictive style of eating and focusing so much on calorie burn and different things and just trying to move and live and eat in a different way, but a lot of people that she is around are still very focused on that. And as she's making these big shifts in her life, she recognizes how much people around her talk about it. And she didn't know until she started trying to make these changes, how much [00:16:00] that was just a common thing to talk about. Oh, I'm being bad by eating dessert or, Oh, I burned this many calories when I was exercising today, or had this many steps throughout the day. And it's very obsessive in a lot of the conversations from what she's told me. So it can be difficult to be around. So having that awareness, I think can help and help you understand where other people are coming from.

Georgie: Yeah. Especially if we see our past selves in the speaker sometimes I think it's a little easier to be less irritated.

Like I was there too. I was there too. That was all I had to talk about. But for me, it's true. I definitely did.

Christina: Yes. I would dabble a little bit, but I never lasted very long. It was like, okay, what's the next thing? I'm bored of this.

Georgie: Yeah. I never like did specific diets or programs. So I was never like an acolyte of any particular program, but I definitely, my internal dialogue was all about like, how much am I eating?

How [00:17:00] much is that person eating? How much is that person eating? I think I'm eating too much. And I'm sure that my conversations were impacted.

Christina: Yes, for sure. I can, I can agree with that in my own life. The second thing that we would recommend Trying is if you don't know the person well and they're talking and talking about their diet and how much weight they've lost or this and that, you can subtly change the subject if you don't know them well or steer the conversation more towards health and self care or maybe some of the habits you're working on, and you could ask, you know, those polite generic shift questions like, Oh, how do you know the host? Or have you lived here long? Or what do you do?

Georgie: Crazy weather we've been having lately.

Christina: And that can just be a way to shift the conversation without publicly shaming someone for talking about their diet.

Georgie: Yeah, right. Like, let's say you're interviewing for a job or [00:18:00] something. And like, you want to make a good impression on this person. And they happen to find out you're in the field or, you know, and they'd start bringing up their diet talk. You don't want to be like, yeah, I don't want to talk about that because then they're going to feel shut down appropriately.

So yeah. There's definitely ways you can do it more subtly. And I love what you said, Christina, about just making it about self care. You can bring up something that you're doing for yourself that really feels good, like a daily meditation or stretching. There's lots of things we can do for ourselves that don't involve dieting.

Christina: Imagine that.

Georgie: Imagine.

Christina: Another thing is if you're closer with this person, depending on your relationship with the person who is sharing, you could say that you're uncomfortable with the topic and that you'd like to change the subject. So before we said a generic polite shift, subtle shift in conversation, but if you know the person well, letting them know that you're uncomfortable is definitely an option and setting a boundary when it's appropriate with those who you're closer with and who know [00:19:00] you a bit better.

Georgie: Like some people just don't take hints, right? Like we all know some of them and you could subtly shift the topic.

You know, they're talking about how they only eat 500 calories a day and inject themselves with. HCG. God, that was a, remember that? And you can, you know, subtly try and change the topic and they just bring it right back. And you're like, okay, okay, we're going to have to be a little more upfront with this one.

Like, mom, my weight is not up for discussion. Or I appreciate that you love the program that you're on, but it's just not comfortable for me to hear about how you're only eating 500 calories a day. Or the diet advice you're giving me, I know is coming from a good heart and I know you're trying to help me, but it's just not what I want to hear right now.

We're out to dinner. Let's enjoy the meal. Some people have to be like a little more forward with.

Christina: And they're probably hungry and forgetful that they've already brought the topic up.

Georgie: Forgive their lack of judgment. It's the starvation.

Christina: [00:20:00] Yes. So. If you are comfortable with the person, you can share even your own journey of moving away from body shaming or viewing foods as good or bad or focusing so much on changing your physique or body acceptance and how you're trying to just promote healthy habits and behaviors at school.

Feel good for you. And dare I say, if you know them well, you could share a confident eaters podcast episode that has helped you on this journey and maybe it would benefit them as well.

Georgie: Great idea. Great idea. Yeah. There's a lot of. Discussion of fat talk and how we can sort of change our social circles with regard to, you know, if we want everyone in our social circle to steer toward bigger and better conversation topics, then you know how we can do that.

Cause it doesn't mean we want to just like insult all of our friends and walk away from these people who have maybe been with us for a really long time. So with friends, [00:21:00] I think sometimes there's this. I don't know, collusion is the word that's coming to mind, where like, none of us want to be dieters or want to be superficial, and yet, once somebody starts the fat talk, we all jump on it like sharks on a bleeding grouper.

And so maybe it's like a collective thing, like, guys, here we are talking about dieting again. Like, wow, we always slide into this. I think we can do better. I think we can talk about, like, where we're going in life, and, you know, our goals, and where we're at, and our relationships, and what we like, and God, we can even gossip about other people without talking about their weight if we want to.

Because I think a lot of people agree with that ethos of like, yeah, I really would like to talk about this less than I'm prone to. Mm hmm. So we can support each other in that way.

Christina: Another option, if all else fails, is you can leave the room. And if the conversation is just [00:22:00] still on the diet talk you can remove yourself from that situation.

Or, if you're unable to leave the room, you can sit there quietly and not participate in that conversation. Eventually, people will get bored and move on to a different It's a different topic, and you can just mind your own as they finish up.

Georgie: Lastly, when you're in one of these situations, we've talked about how you can respond to the other person, but I think it's also important to think about what's helpful to say to ourselves.

So, when somebody's diet talk has you ready to throw a can of Pringles at them, remind yourself that you may have come really far and that's something to be proud of. And that if you're working on lifelong nutrition habits, your results aren't going to look like crash weight loss diet results. But they will be lifelong.

And they can be things that build up your life and make it greater, as opposed to making it more rigid and small. Also, remember that [00:23:00] if you feel envy or annoyance at somebody who's talking about their recent weight loss, it's completely understandable and perhaps even warranted. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling these and anything else that comes up too, but like all feelings, they're only temporary, and you don't want to let them steer you into drastic choices. Keep respecting yourself, feeding and loving yourself as best you can. And that diet talk will roll right off you. We'll see you next week in the next episode of Confident Eaters.