Confident Eaters

How To Create an End of Eating Ritual
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Georgie: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Confident Eaters Podcast, where you get proven methods to end overeating, emotional eating, and stressing about food. We are heading for harmony between your body, food and feelings, hosted by me, Georgie Fear, and my team at Confident Eaters.

Hello, and welcome back to the confident eaters podcast. I'm Georgie fear, and I'm joined today by the wonderful coach, Christina Holland. Say hi, Christina.

Christina: Hey everybody. Glad to be here with you today.

Georgie: Today we have a great suggestion for something that I think many of you are going to want to try in real life.

We're going to talk about an end of eating ritual, and I know this sounds like something involving, you know, tiki torches in the jungle, but there's no sort of weird rituals like that. We're talking about a simple behavior that you can practice doing at the end of your [00:01:00] meals to help with moving on. Now, I get it, you've completed thousands of meals in your life, probably none of them marked by a specific ritual, so why would you consider adding one now in adulthood? Well, rituals are calming. Just like other habits, once we've established a habit or ritual around something, it doesn't require any conscious effort. In fact, when it comes to behavior change and health psychology, something being easy and low cognitive load is one of the most important factors. And Ending a meal, even if you've done it thousands of times already, can still be hard.

It's one of the common points in their day that people have difficulty with. But in this liminal space where one meal ends and the time before the next meal begins, a small tweak can have major payoffs in your weight loss progress.

Christina: Yeah, I definitely see that for sure. some reasons we might not like ending a meal would include if you have an unpleasant task to do right after dinner [00:02:00] like giving the kids a bath or One of my clients uses washing her hair as an example and I can relate to that with a lot of hair it's just something you don't really look forward to and you just feel tired at the end of the day and you don't really want to stop eating because that means you have to do this other Thing that you don't really want to do, but you have to because you're an adult.

And another reason might be that you're just enjoying the meal that you're eating, and you don't want that pleasurable experience to end. So it's either something unpleasant that you don't want to do, or just trying to continue this awesome thing that you're enjoying.

Georgie: Yeah, it's nice to linger with your company sometimes.

Christina: Exactly. So this makes an end of meal ritual helpful as a prevention strategy, especially if you're someone who struggles with overeating, whether it's an overeating due to procrastinating that unpleasant task or just to prolong the pleasant experience you're having.

And the end of eating ritual can help avoid adding [00:03:00] on a little bit more and a little bit more just to continue that experience. So if you feel distressed at the ending of a meal, this is definitely something that can help. Rituals are helpful that way. They reduce that bargaining and debating that goes on in our minds.

Georgie: Or like, should I get a little more, or have I had enough, or like maybe just half a one?

Christina: Just a little bit more. Yeah, exactly. And one of my clients started practicing this because dinner was like the thing she looked forward to the most at the end of her day. She had a really stressful job, and it was the only meal where it was like I don't have something that I have to get back to.

So for breakfast, it was, oh, I have to go into work. And then at lunch, it was, I got to get back to work. I've got this project due. So at dinner, there was a little bit more of that lingering and pleasurable experience because she looked so forward to just being home. And there wasn't that natural ending to the meal.

And she wanted to continue the pleasure. So that's when we started trying [00:04:00] this out. And I know you've also had clients use this strategy, Georgie. So what are some things that your clients have tried in their end of eating ritual?

Georgie: There's no set choreographed thing that you need to do for your ritual. The idea is to have some sort of behavior that you do consistently. And it really can be a number of different things. One of my clients after each meal, she fills in her tracker and after dinner, she turns out the light in the kitchen and she goes in another room. And it seems so simple, like, Oh, okay.

So you sold this as a ritual Georgie, but really she's just tracking her habits after each meal and turning out the light. Like I feel so disappointed, but that's the thing. It might even be something you already do that you simply start to think of as your end of eating ritual

Christina: Hmm.

Georgie: that can really go a long way toward it being more effective in helping you transition your brain off of eating and debating if you should have more or if you've had enough and just moving to the next thing.

So [00:05:00] you may have something that right now comes after the debate. Like, so after we finish the meal, I sort of pantry surf and maybe grab a thing or two out of the refrigerator or the cabinet, and then I go into my office and, I don't know, play Sudoku on the computer. So if that's your typical after meal routine, you might say, you know what?

I'm going to skip the debate and like grabbing something extra. I'm going to go right from the kitchen to the desk and open sudoku. Like that might be your end of eating ritual. And the idea is that it will bump the debate and the potential extra portions that come along with that debate from your schedule.

So it's like, no, I don't have to think about this. I just get up and I do the next thing. So my client that turns out the light in the kitchen, I think is a great one. It gives her also a feeling of completion and moving on. Like after she's turned out the light, of course she can walk back in the kitchen and turn it back on, but it just sort of sets your mind free to have some symbolic sense of this meal is closed. I'm letting it go [00:06:00] and moving on to other things in my life. I also really like that aspect of the positive reinforcement of filling in her tracker. You know, she sort of check marks each of the habits at the end of a meal, like, was I hungry beforehand? Did I get vegetables? Did I get protein? And in this case, If your Psych 101 professor asked you, what's the most effective timing for positive reinforcement after a desired behavior, you can raise your hand and say, immediately, because Georgie has said that a hundred times.

If you want to give yourself positive reinforcement for something, do it as soon as possible. So yeah, if you don't want to crack open your notebook or pull out your phone mid meal at the end of a meal is a perfect time to open your habit tracker, give yourself some kudos for the things that you did well.

Christina: Right. And I like how you said that it could be something that you're already doing. It's just the way you look at this situation and this routine. And if you view it as this is my ritual, this is what I do. We turn off the light. We do this. I think that can be just an automatic [00:07:00] way to turn it into the ritual just by viewing what you're already doing differently and make it more fun maybe.

For one of my clients, a different one than the one I mentioned earlier, she is working on stopping at satisfied. And it's normal for her to go back and get seconds or finish everything on her plate even. So, what she has been practicing is putting away the food first. And cleaning up from dinner and then setting up her coffee machine for the next day and taking an intentional rest on the couch. Having that rest on the couch to look forward to with a book or a game on her phone is what she does Is able to view as her ritual because it's something pleasant to look forward to after okay, I've eaten my meal, put everything away.

And I just can't wait to sit down and do this thing. Even if it's just for 10 or 15 minutes, it's just that break before she has to get the kids ready for bed and do everything that's involved in the nighttime routine.

Georgie: Leisure [00:08:00] time can be precious. Absolutely precious. I think some of my clients.

We'll say that they, you know, air quotes, "know they shouldn't", but they eat dinner while watching TV or while reading a book. And so they'll say like, yeah, I know they say that you shouldn't do that. And I like to recommend, why don't we separate the eating from that other entertainment behavior?

Because that is going to be your post meal thing you look forward to. Like that can be your dessert of a type. In the sense that like, yes, it's easier to transition away from a meal. If there's something that you're just dying to get to go do I know winter mornings, I wake up, I eat my breakfast, drink my coffee, and I love breakfast, but the only thing that I might love more than breakfast is skiing. And so I am like getting that breakfast done so I can get out the door and get to do what I want to do. Like a kid that can't wait to get outside to play. And that's such a wonderful thing. If you're trying to avoid overeating, having something that you're excited to go [00:09:00] do, which helps you keep your meal size to a goal consistent amount, is really an asset.

So if there's something you look forward to, consider Hanging on to it, saving it, so you can transition to that right after your meal.

Christina: Yeah, I don't know if you've noticed this, Georgie, but with a lot of my clients who have decoupled their eating with other pleasurable activity, they realize It's not as if one is enhancing the other.

They're both pleasurable activities that I can extend. But when we eat while we're distracted watching TV or reading or something, it can sometimes make that meal go on longer, or we end up eating more, like you mentioned. And when we decouple that, we realize, well, actually the actual amount of time I'm eating isn't very long and , I'm thinking of it in my head as though it's, oh, like, I can't wait until after I eat to do this thing.

That's gonna just take forever, but what I have seen with my clients is if they actually separate those two, They're both pleasurable experiences, they don't need to be done [00:10:00] together.

Georgie: I take ten minutes if I'm going as slowly as I possibly can

Christina: Yes!

Georgie: to eat my food, it really does not take that long, so yeah, take the break to eat and then go back to what you were enjoying separately can be a really great way to move closer to your weight loss goals.

Christina: Mhmm

Georgie: so we see some commonalities. We've talked about three clients between us who all have sort of different things. Like we've got tracking, turning out the light. We've got setting up the coffee machine, going to sit on the couch. We've got a few different things here. So What is common between these one that I notice is a lot of people find that an ideal ritual sets them up for future success or sort of leaves a gift for their future self. This is really helpful in boosting your mood. I find if I were to set up the coffee machine for myself the next morning, I feel happy when I'm setting it up and then the next morning, I'm happy that someone set it up for me. Even though it was me. And little things like if I go [00:11:00] the extra mile and put my clothes out, which is not something I usually do, the next morning I'm like, oh, thanks me, that was super nice.

And just those helpful little things can improve our friendship with ourselves just as much as they would improve our friendship with somebody else.

Christina: Exactly. And we mentioned this one already, but that positive reinforcement, which is when you set up for your future self, you're saying thanks past Georgie for setting up the coffee machine, that positive reinforcement and giving yourself credit or high five for what you did well, can really perpetuate wanting to continue to do that.

So you're setting yourself up for success, but you're also, giving yourself credit for that success that you've set yourself up for. And it can be fun to say, wow, this is a behavior that I am doing to reach my goals. So positive reinforcement is another commonality that I think can be helpful to establish these rituals if that's something you're wanting to try.

Georgie: Yeah, if somebody else does something nice for you, and you want them to do it again, [00:12:00] you'd say thank you. Like, hey, I really appreciate that. You wouldn't be like, well, 50 more times and we'll be even.

Christina: Right. Why do we do that for ourselves when we do it for other people?

Georgie: Yeah, like, hey, good job. Thanks, I appreciate that. You know, these things go a long way toward helping solidify behavior change. We talked about record keeping, which completely separate from the end of meal ritual placement is helpful on its own, you know, all forms of self monitoring are helpful for staying on track and improving consistency with behavior changes. Record keeping in the sense of monitoring what you're eating or how you're eating or any other things that you're working on also gives you accountability when you keep a record of your behavior, literally an account, you don't slip into the forgetting excuse or, you know, I tried, but I can't really tell you how many times I did it sort of territory.

So I encourage everyone in our coaching program keeps some form of habit tracker, most of them use an electronic form, but there's nothing wrong with good old pen and paper, or [00:13:00] some kind of native app on your phone, there's a lot of things that you can do.

Christina: Yeah, it's objective data, like, did I do it, did I not do it, and how do I know if I'm relying on my brain to remember it all, I don't know about you, but mine's not very good at remembering past a couple of days, so I think record keeping can be super helpful.

The other thing we talked about is the repetition. So maybe you're not doing it at every meal, but if you choose a meal that's particularly challenging for you, for me, it would definitely be the end of day dinner. And that's a commonality I hear with other clients. It doesn't have to be, but after you repeat it consistently, it might take effort at first, but soon it's going to be more of that automatic thing that you do. That's why I guess we're calling it a ritual and a routine and a habit because it becomes established. And you might even begin to not realize that you're doing it. It's just what you do. I know with making coffee, as an example, I don't even really have to think about it.

Whereas before it was like very, okay, how do I use [00:14:00] this machine, where is the coffee? How much water? And now it's more automatic. And this is awesome because that means it's gonna be easier to persist in stressful situations. It's like, okay, I'm still doing it takes less effort. And even when I'm stressed, I can see that the behavior continues.

Georgie: Yeah. Another thing that we noticed is that physically relocating can be incredibly helpful in getting your mind to move on. If you feel like your brain is persistently like, but just, just one more piece of that, just one more helping, just one more of this, just take your body into another room. And the pull will dramatically decrease.

So maybe leaving the kitchen, sitting on a particular chair or the couch, or transitioning to your bedroom could be a really helpful end of meal ritual. I used to have a gray chair. If you've been a fan of mine for a long time, you may have heard me reference this gray chair, which I don't own anymore.

But I had this gray IKEA armchair in the living room when I lived in Vancouver, and [00:15:00] The situation of our apartment was so that the sunlight came in the window and like sat right on that gray chair every day after lunch. So after lunch, I would go and I would have gray chair time, which could be a minute, could be 20 minutes, but I just made it my thing that after lunch, I would just sit in the chair for a minute or two, press pause before I went back to work and I think that was a really great ritual for me.

Christina: That's nice. Get a little sun on the face before going back to work.

Georgie: Learn a lot from our pets, right?

Christina: Yes. Another thing that is cool about these ritual behaviors or commonalities that we've talked about is you don't have to use all of them. You can really customize it. Where are your challenging spots that might be more useful for you to have some type of end of eating ritual? What is something that you can practice daily? And this can be really helpful as just an element you're including in your healthy lifestyle, but it's really personal.

It doesn't have to be this formula that we've created, but what, what does that [00:16:00] look like for you? If you're thinking about these different elements?

Georgie: Yeah. I mean, you can make it as simple or as complex if you want. I mean, if you want like a feather headdress for your end of meal ritual, I am not getting in your way.

Christina: Yeah.

Georgie: Fancy.

Christina: The world is your oyster.

Georgie: Yes. Yes. So, personally, one end of eating ritual that I use consistently, perhaps this has displaced the grey chair time, is my hot cocoa. So, after lunch, Put on the kettle and I make a mug of sugar free hot cocoa. And I usually take that with me to my office to begin my afternoon of work.

And I really like it because one it's hot cocoa. So it's delicious. And two, it can definitely settle any sort of like, did I eat enough lunch? Do I need to eat some more? Am I not quite satisfied? Because if I still feel like I have a few percentage of vacant space in my abdomen, I'm like, Oh, that's cocoa room.

That's where I'm going to have my nice hot beverage so I don't want to eat until I'm like [00:17:00] all the way full. Cause then I can't fit the hot cocoa in and still stay comfortable. So it just works out well. You know, I've done this so many days now in a row that I know I eat about this much lunch and then I make my hot cocoa and I go upstairs and if I didn't have my hot cocoa or heaven forbid, I ran out of cocoa powder, I definitely would feel a lack and potentially maybe eat some extra food or something to fill the void, but Reliably, my hot cocoa is there for me. I'm also in the habit of leaving the kitchen after dinner. I'll admit sometimes this is with a minimal amount of cleanup. Perishable things are in the fridge. I consider it cleaned. But I don't hang out in the kitchen.

And I know a lot of people do sort of recreate around the kitchen table. And so I think that's another helpful one is, I recognize when I looked at myself and said, you know what? End of meal rituals. Do you have? I think that's one like we never hang out at the table after dinner. We sort of move on to other stuff.

What about you, Christina?

Christina: Yeah, I think I'm definitely similar the way my house is laid out, [00:18:00] especially I'm not really wanting to hang out in the kitchen too much. But since we first started talking about this. I have been trying to implement my own end of eating ritual at dinner specifically because if I am going to overeat, it's usually at dinner, similar to reasons that I already listed that clients have struggled with.

It's the meal I most look forward to. I'm usually putting the most effort into it because I have a little bit more time to Maybe try a new meal or recipe, and it's really delicious, so I look forward to my dinner meals, and it's just the end of the day, so the way I've been trying to practice this is saying something about the meal, like if someone else has prepared it, oh wow, that was really delicious, is a trigger for me to say, okay, it's the end of the meal, I've completed eating, if I made it I might say something like, I really enjoyed that, I want to I make that for friends or something, for example.

Georgie: It's like the end.

Christina: Yes, exactly. I like narrating my life. You know, [00:19:00] that's not weird, right?

Georgie: Digested happily ever after.

Christina: Exactly. It can be fun. You should try. But my ritual it also includes cleaning up from, from dinner and getting the kitchen breakfast ready as I like to call it because if I wake up in the morning and there's dishes in the sink, it's like, ah, so it is that, that same concept of helping my future self out and I feel some sense of accomplishment, like, okay, like the day is done. The meal is done, the kitchen is ready for breakfast tomorrow. And I have been trying to incorporate some kind of evening hot tea or magnesium before going to watch something on TV or reading or whatever activity I'm moving on to in the evening.

And especially in the colder months, having that warm beverage, like you said, this is really nice. And physically leaving the kitchen is of course important for me just to move on to the next [00:20:00] thing.

Georgie: Awesome. Okay. So dear listener, when you think about putting this into practice in your own life, think of any physical action you can do after meals as a done eating ritual or a the end.

I know I have actually gotten in the habit. If I go out to eat at a restaurant of bringing like mints or gum, in my bag because it's so nice. I always want to like get the taste out of my mouth, but restaurant desserts are inevitably way too large and heavy for me. It's not my sort of thing. So I find that that's a great done eating ritual to like pop a piece of gum in your mouth.

So whatever you choose, you might choose to do it every single meal, in which case it's going to become a habit faster. Three reps a day. We'll definitely form a habit faster than one wrap a day but you might find that's overwhelming and you just want to do it at dinner, if that's the main tricky time for you.

You also might decide that you only really want to practice this at buffet restaurants or on vacation or social occasions. Like those might be where you say, you [00:21:00] know, I'm going to try that gum in my mouth. I was like, okay, I'm done eating thing. You might clean something, set something for the future, jot down or check off your habit wins for the day, or you could check in with an accountability partner if you have one.

Then focus on doing this consistently. I'm going to recommend doing it for at least seven days. If you want to bail after that, fine, but try to commit to a seven day streak. Initially, sometimes there's a period of like, Oh, I forgot. I remembered. I forgot. I remembered. But once you get this consistently for seven days, there's a good chance that you're going to start feeling how helpful it is.

And if you're still in the, periodic forgetting and not forgetting phase, you may not actually be able to feel how helpful it is. So persist through that initial phase, set reminders or alarms on your phone if you need to. But I think you'll find this will cognitively simplify closing mealtime and facilitate moving on to the next part of your day.

As always, we really care about every one of you. We want to help you reach your goals. If you need particular [00:22:00] help with a unique situation, drop us a line. You may be surprised what we can do. You can reach us through the web at confident eaters. com