Confident Eaters

Help! I eat food for comfort!
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Georgie: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Confident Eaters Podcast, where you get proven methods to end overeating, emotional eating, and stressing about food. We are heading for harmony between your body, food and feelings, hosted by me, Georgie Fear, and my team at Confident Eaters.

HEllo and welcome to the Confident Eaters podcast. I'm Georgie Feer. I'm here with Christina Jodoin and today we have a really super episode all about what to do when clients are comforting themselves with food. This is something that we see pretty frequently, right, Christina?

Christina: Definitely.

Georgie: And I think probably our clients have gotten so used to us that they roll their eyes when we ask the question, okay, so you overate, or you binged, or you did something that you regret. What was going on? Like, what do you think you were using food for in that occasion? And this is one of the things that often comes up when [00:01:00] people do that introspection. And the way that we help people solve problems isn't just by telling them, do something different, eat carrots instead of ice cream.

We actually want to solve problems for people. And so when somebody is eating for comfort, that's definitely a problem that we can find good solutions to and help people feel better, have less suffering, but then also meet their weight loss and health goals. So let's talk a little bit about comfort. You know, it's normal, I think, for every human being to want comfort.

What do you see people comfort themselves for most commonly, Christina? And then I'll tell you what I see.

Christina: Yeah, all kinds of things. I mean, what sort of things do we need comfort for? Like, we can use food for it. But I see people using it for stress and overwhelm most commonly, especially with work and If they're coping with some important deadline and feeling under the gun.

I've seen people use food to comfort [00:02:00] themselves when they're dealing with relationship issues. After they're upset about something, if they've had an argument with someone. I know a lot of people deal with loneliness, and even within relationships and outside of relationships, I think food is something that is commonly used to cope with that as well.

Disappointment is a big one. That could be disappointment with myself and how I handled a situation. that someone didn't get the job or raise that they wanted and then others I've talked to can kind of get into a cycle of dissatisfaction with their bodies so disappointment with Their body image and using food to comfort themselves and that,

Georgie: Becomes such a cycle, right?

Christina: Yeah, right.

Georgie: I don't like that I've gained weight over the last few years. And so I try to take comfort in eating, which of course only contributes to the weight gain. So,

Christina: Exactly. Exactly. And just makes the situation worse, but it's a big old band aid that people like to use for that one. But I also know that the holidays are coming up and a lot [00:03:00] of my clients are just feeling a little burnt out from all of the pressure that comes with preparing and hosting and So there's more treats around.

Georgie: Yeah, I think holidays, as you said, they can bring so many tasks and to do's and expectations. Like my gifts have to be perfect and perfectly wrapped and my kitchen has to be sparkling because 18, 000 people are coming over and I need to make holiday meals and do all these things with a smile on my face.

Meanwhile, I still have to work my full time job and the kids still need all their stuff and it can.

Christina: Yeah.

Georgie: It can become a time when people are totally overwhelmed with tasks, and it can also become a time where people feel particularly lonely if they don't have an extended social network, which many people don't, or if they live somewhere far away from their family or their friends. So yeah, there can be a lot of things that people need comfort from during the holidays, especially.

Christina: For sure.

Georgie: One that I've seen. I don't know if you've seen this as well is physical pain often

Christina: Mmmm.

Georgie: leads people to be eating for comfort. Like I had [00:04:00] such a headache or I was so miserable with the flu and the body aches that I just wanted to eat to feel better.

Christina: Yeah, I can relate to that recently. I hurt my back earlier this week and what I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself and eat snacks in bed because I had to lay down anyway, but Instead, I would try tuning in to my hunger and fullness and comforting myself in other ways, which we will get to.

Georgie: Yeah. Yeah, I definitely have had my share of aches and pains.

And it is interesting how sometimes food jumps to our minds as the thing that will make us feel better, even if it's completely illogical and untrue. It's funny how it just volunteers itself.

Christina: Yeah. That's a good idea.

Georgie: That's a good idea. I Think you covered a lot of the sources of emotional pain, relationship stuff, job stuff, arguments.

What I would add to that is, in addition to the emotional and the physical things that we can need comfort from, there's this. Related but slightly different category of the daily grind. Just

Christina: Mmmm

Georgie: being [00:05:00] an adult, we have to deal with stuff like taxes, and utility bills, childcare, responsibility, and I think all those can really take a toll that's underappreciated sometimes.

Christina: I think so. I have one client in particular and the major cycle she's trying to break right now is like, okay, worked a full day, come home, cook dinner, and then there's the cleanup and it's just that dreaded cleanup after dinner and she finds herself reaching for things and she's definitely not the only client I've heard talk about that because it's just like, oh, yeah.

I'm just tired from the day, from the day to day, like you said.

Georgie: Yeah, like just work alone can really leave people drained. And then if you come home to what feels like more work in the form of tasks around the house, it can, it can be a lot.

Christina: Definitely.

Georgie: So when people are trying to comfort themselves with food, I usually see them go to treat foods, you know,

Christina: mhmm

Georgie: stuff like cookies. Cake, muffins being a personal favorite of mine. [00:06:00] God, I love muffins.

Baked goods,

you

know. Most people don't, like, I just need some celery for comfort. I'm having an emotional moment.

Christina: Not out of the realm of possibility, but I haven't heard anybody say that.

Georgie: Yeah. I have heard some people say that it can really just be nibbling or eating anything.

So sometimes it's like, I just comfort myself by nibbling on the dinner leftovers as I'm putting stuff away. So, it isn't necessarily treat foods, I would say. I think we do see alcohol also. People really

Christina: yeah

Georgie: feel like a glass of wine would help comfort them or help them get through a difficult situation.

Christina: Yeah, I hear alcohol a lot. You know, that glass of wine at the end of the day. Also, I've heard some of my clients share that they just want something crunchy because it's something about that crunch, like chips or popcorn or nuts, sometimes even fruit, but it's usually a choice, not related to hunger. Like you said, it's just that[00:07:00] post dinner or whatever that Yeah, I think we find something that's delicious because it's going to bring some pleasure or relief or make the feelings go away or try to make them go away.

Georgie: And the celery doesn't fit the bill for that sort of crunch satisfaction.

Christina: not quite.

Georgie: So, obviously, if we ate for comfort once in a while, this wouldn't be a problem. I mean, honestly, if I had my tonsils out and I had this, like, burning, recovering throat, and I was like, I really want ice cream because it feels soothing on my throat. There wouldn't be anything wrong with that. And I really want people to notice that it's not. In and of itself, a problem to eat for comfort. However, like most things, if it increases in frequency or in extent, if I'm eating a quart of ice cream and I'm doing it every Friday, you know, that's where we can see it create significant weight gain in people, or at very least get in the way of meeting their weight loss goals.

[00:08:00] So I do think. You know, in the business that Christina and I are in, where many people are in the process of losing weight, we do want to find other things to help them create that calorie deficit that is so necessary. And so if food is serving a comfort role in someone's life, we can usually save those calories by helping them develop other ways to comfort themselves.

Christina: Yeah.

Georgie: So what are some of your suggestions? I have a list of my own here, Christina, but I'm curious which are the ones that you came up to help people practice something to help break this habit.

Christina: Yeah. I think it is important to acknowledge that for some of us, it is just a habit and that's really good news because that means we can replace it with a different habit.

It also doesn't make you a bad person if you've used food in the past to bring comfort. Like you said, it's not a problem unless it's pretty frequent, or it's a problem, you know, if it's coming against the weight loss goals you have, or it also can Be problematic because it makes us disconnected from our feelings sometimes.

Georgie: Oh yeah.

Christina: And just having that [00:09:00] disconnection from what's going on and how I can effectively soothe myself. We can use food as a way to escape that and

Georgie: such a good point.

Christina: Yeah. But I think maybe the first step in overcoming that cycle is just being able to identify what emotions that you as a human being are going through, And what is it that you're asking for comfort in the first place for you know, a lot of us as adults, I think are pretty emotionally illiterate. I will say that about myself anyway. It's taking some time for me to develop the ability to identify what emotions I'm having beyond like the core for right like happy, sad, bad, good.

so if we can become better at just identifying emotions, then I think that can help us get some more information of what might be a different way of helping comfort ourselves.

Georgie: Yeah, it's just a level more awareness than I think the average person has. When say they come home from [00:10:00] work and they don't know why, and they gravitate to the pantry and they start noshing.

Most people aren't self aware enough to be like, wow, clearly I need comfort from something.

Christina: Right.

Georgie: What is it that I need comfort from? More often I think people's internal dialogue is like, got to get rid of the chips, man. God, I'm such a

Christina: yeah!

Georgie: Sucker for these. Can never just come home and wait for dinner, can ya?

Like, I got to stop doing this. And it never goes beyond that.

Christina: Yeah, and then the self deprecation, which does not add to the comfort that you're seeking in the first place, so, yeah, and it's hard to get curious about our negative emotions, you know, what's going on and why am I feeling these negative things? Especially at the end of the day, like you use that example, if we're already Tapped out.

It's like let me do some emotional explorations Doesn't really feel like the first thing on my list of things to do but Another thing I think can be helpful is to just be aware of the triggers that are leading to that going for food. One of my clients [00:11:00] has a really tough work environment, and a lot of times on our calls, we're just chatting about like, this co worker asked me for help, and then every time she does, I get behind on my own work, and then I get stressed out, and then I resent her, and then I go home, and I eat food, And that's just an example, but maybe the trigger there is just some boundary setting.

Maybe it's telling that co worker, I can't help you until I've finished all of my work. And then there wouldn't be that need for comfort for the stress that's not been caused because you set that boundary.

Georgie: So true. So true. Yeah, we can notice that I always need a snack after I leave so and so's house.

Christina: Yeah. Yeah.

Georgie: Some people stress us out and we may not necessarily want to acknowledge that, but it's okay if we start to become aware of those things. The top of my list was really similar to what you said about Noticing what's going on with you, staying aware of why are you eating? What feelings might be going on?

If you know, you're not [00:12:00] hungry, there's something else,

Christina: right.

Georgie: When we're coaching people, sometimes people will dig their heels in and say, I just wanted it and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, that's the surface level. I agree. You wanted it, but you want it for a reason. You don't just want it for absolutely no reason.

It can be as simple as it tastes good. Or sometimes people will say that they're eating stuff and it's not even a food that they like. And so clearly it's not about it tasting good at that point.

Christina: Yeah.

Georgie: It's some other reason is going on below the surface. So really being willing to ask yourself that question, like, okay, if I want this, why do I want this?

Christina: mhmm

Georgie: And it can be really revealing. So as you said, breaking any habit is a matter of doing something differently and then rehearsing that new behavior. And When I was preparing for this episode and I asked myself like, okay, what other ways would I want to give people suggestions to comfort themselves? I actually sort of hit one of those bottleneck moments where you have so many ideas that you [00:13:00] can't figure out what order to write them down and they all like rush for your pen and your mouth at the same time, because we really do, like when you think about it, there's so many options for regulating emotions and comforting ourselves that I hate to only give a subset, but due to the interest of time I'm thinking if we just talk about some of the options here, we can give people ideas for what they can try in case they notice that they are eating for comfort on a regular basis.

So one thing that I want to bring up is changing the words in your head can be a really profound source of comfort. The story that you're telling yourself can really increase or decrease the discomfort in your life and this does work beautifully in terms of preventing distress. If I am able to turn my inner critic into an inner encourager, I'm going to have less discomfort in many ways overall, so I will be able to do less comfort eating, but that can take a long time to get enough rehearsal and enough practice to have that [00:14:00] become a default. Usually isn't super fast, but we can begin using that new voice or that reframing skill episodically to help us get comfort in a moment. So reframing intentionally in moments of suffering is usually the first step, which proceeds developing a kinder inner dialogue globally. So some examples, instead of thinking, I didn't get invited to the party because everyone hates me. Or, I suck, that's why I didn't get the job.

Or, this ankle injury is my punishment for being stupid in the gym. You know, all three of those examples would be really upsetting. Those are the sort of salt in the wound things that don't give us comfort, but only make us feel worse. So we can learn to see these things as not personal, not 100 percent my fault, and start to dial down the criticism and up the support.

So for those examples, some of the ways that I would encourage people to try reframing would [00:15:00] sound like I did my best. I can't know exactly why the other candidate got chosen over me, or it's an annoying part of being active that occasionally you get injured and twisting my ankle doesn't happen because we're stupid.

It's just really bad luck. Being able to reframe things that way can be remarkably comforting. And it's interesting because you don't need anything outside of yourself to do it. It's one of those things that can make you feel super self sufficient like, wow, I can really comfort myself and regulate myself even when I've gotten significantly into a tizzy over something, I can sort of walk it back. So that's one thing that I think is a skill that's worth practicing. And it is often the sort of thing that somebody needs personal help with. So that's where working with a nutrition coach or a mental health professional can be really, really helpful.

If you need some keywords to drop, or if you just want to search the internet, look for some skills for emotion regulation, or specifically do some researches on reframing. And see what comes up. Okay, you go next. What's [00:16:00] one you have,

Christina: in addition to that internal support, like you're talking about creating a supportive environment around us can be helpful when we need comfort.

Like, reaching out to a friend or a loved one who can encourage you when you're going through a hard time. Sometimes just that physical affection of a nice big hug. Animals also work here. I don't have pets, but I sometimes have used friends pets to just get some dog snuggles in. And they just know. They're just really supportive and they love us. But, I have another client who uses the strategy of reaching out to her supportive environment often because She will just need a pep talk every once in a while so she'll call up her sister or her husband and that's something she has found to be really helpful to just remind her of Who she is, because sometimes life can throw some hard stuff at us.

Georgie: I love how you mentioned that interpersonal connection. Like the human [00:17:00] environment can be so comforting if we let it. And we can completely block it out if we, want to. If we don't want to connect with any other humans, you know, we can, we can keep everything inside, put on the smiley face or the straight face and, forge ahead.

But if you do call someone and say, I really am feeling discouraged by XYZ. I don't know how many people out there have ever uttered the words, I feel so much better after talking to you, but I'm going to bet it's a pretty high proportion. I've just had that, Oh, feeling that nothing's changed. In a literal sense, because you've talked to somebody about what you're going through and yet everything has changed and you just feel like your burden is not stinging in the same painful way.

It's also one of like the last things I learned in my own human development at this point is like really grasping the benefit and the okayness of asking other people for comfort. I definitely first latched on to like the self sufficient, I can do this myself. Like I'm definitely a DIY [00:18:00] er before I will ask somebody else for help or support.

But being able to do that is. Immensely, immensely helpful in getting comfort from the universe outside of food.

Christina: And I think part of the isolation that can happen when we're not reaching out , tell me if you see this too with your clients, lead to some secret comfort eating. And then there's this like secretive element of, oh I need to comfort myself and also I'm hiding it from other people and then you feel even more isolated as a result.

Georgie: Yeah. Yeah. And we know that secrecy comes from shame and increases feelings of shame. So like, here you go down another spiral.

Christina: Some other ways that people might comfort themselves. I have a list of things that you might want to try and treat it like an experiment. Like Georgie said, you can give it a try, and if it's not effective or you don't like it, then you can try something else.

Georgie: Mm hmm.

Christina: A really good universal one is just getting outside, breathing in some fresh air, looking at the [00:19:00] sky, and nature can be really helpful because it just gets us out of our head a little bit. Other activities might be moving your body, walking, stretching. If I'm feeling some extra pent up energy and stress, then something like higher intensity to get moving can help.

If I have no energy or feeling low, I might do something lighter. journaling your thoughts can be really helpful here. A good old brain dump doesn't have to be like a beautiful journal entry to just be like, this is why I'm upset. Even if it doesn't make sense, just writing down the stuff that bugs us can be helpful.

And then sometimes just a tangible comfort of having like a warm blanket that you can wrap up in, or a bathrobe, or some aromatherapy, or taking a hot shower, or lighting a candle.

Georgie: Heating pad.

Christina: Heating pad. It's like my favorite. So comfortable. One of my clients has a room that she'll go in. She calls it like her little cocoon because nobody else goes in there. It's a small room. She's got her comfy chair. She's got her book. And she [00:20:00] just sits and reads and has some alone time. I have clients who love skincare. Skincare can be soothing and bring comfort. And all of these things are worth trying out because then you can figure out, what works best for you.

Some people find comfort in getting tasks done and organizing things, getting like that sense of completion. I know I like to do crafty things. I feel comforted when I'm like, Oh, I put together a crochet project for someone I love or anything like that. So figuring out, like, what the effective actions are for you personally.

And if you are going to use food for comfort, then at least, like, savor it and enjoy it. Because I think that guilt and shame we pile on with ourselves it makes it, like, not even taste good anymore. So at least enjoy it if you are going to do that.

Georgie: Yeah, I think warm beverages too. Like we're not putting the kibosh on anything consumable, but if we are talking like trying to get out of [00:21:00] one's own way in terms of meeting weight loss goals, you can drink a lot of tea for comfort with absolutely no problem for your weight loss goals. And I think the warmth really has something nice and soothing and relaxing to it.

Christina: Definitely. I love a good cup of tea.

Georgie: Yeah. And it's also one of those. Things that you can do as like a little treat for yourself, go to the grocery store and buy a new thing of tea or shop online, even the fancy shops, like you're not going to break the bank, buying yourself a few different teas to try can be a nice thing that you do just for you.

Christina: Yeah, especially in these colder months.

Georgie: Mm hmm.

Christina: And the other element I think that could help here is self compassion. There's so much stuff out there on self compassion and I think there are two different frameworks that are pretty helpful that we don't have too much time to go over here, but if you're interested, definitely look into Kristin Neff.

She has a lot of good stuff. We'll link all this in the description, but Kristin Neff on [00:22:00] self compassion. And then another one that I've recently been reading about is Paul Gilbert and the compassionate mind. And one of the things I think you were kind of touching on with the reframing that he discusses is these three elements of self compassion that are really important, which are strength, wisdom and caring and, sometimes people think self compassion is like, Oh, I'm just being soft on myself. Like I'm not going to actually make the changes I want to make if I'm doing that sissy stuff. But ultimately, there's this caring part of us who wants to help ourselves out, there's this strength part of us that is like going to help us move forward from this, whatever it is that's going on. And then there's this wise part of us that wants to really learn from what happened so that we can move forward here. So really interesting stuff and I'm learning myself, but I think that could be really helpful to develop just like you were saying with the reframing. And this is a skill that you can have. It [00:23:00] doesn't have to be Always relying on other people, it's something you can develop. So, we're here for you if you need that help.

Georgie: I love that. That was a great overview. I haven't read his book, but I think I'm going to put it on the reading list.

Christina: Oh I think it's right up your alley.

Georgie: It does. It sounds like really, really good stuff. SO I like what you said about needing that kindness and strength. And what was the third pillar? Wisdom. Wisdom. That's really great. I wrote some stuff down about the mindset changes that can really help somebody move away from a practice of comforting themselves with food into comforting themselves in other ways. And those words really hit upon one of the balance that I think I was trying to describe. And of course, much more succinctly than my description, but I think. We do want to have a balance where we know that we are strong and we know that we are tough and resilient and we can get through things. I've heard messages on the internet and podcasts and books that are essentially toughen up.

We're too [00:24:00] comfy and soft in today's society and we need to be able to grind more and clench our teeth and suffer more willingly. Because on a gut level, I disagree with those messages so strongly, it begs me to take a second look and try and see what could be truthful or useful in them, and When I do, I think, yes, there is a helpfulness in building up our ability to tolerate discomfort.

I don't think I want to take it so far as to say, Oh, we're too comfy in today's society. Maybe because from my vantage point, I see a lot of human suffering, but I think it's nice to have that balance where we can get through some adversity and that we don't meltdown at the first whiff of unease, but having worked with thousands of people, I see a far, far greater number of people that are stuck at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I would say for every one person I see who is. Immobilized by the slightest discomfort, I probably see 100 who [00:25:00] are trying to continue operating through massive discomfort while denying that they're uncomfortable at all and doing nothing to comfort themselves. Does that fit the pattern you see, Christina?

Christina: Yeah, that's a, that's a really interesting way of putting it, but I definitely agree with that.

Georgie: Yeah. So optimal, unsurprisingly, it's going to be a balance between these two things. As I see it, we only gain from being aware and in touch with what's going on with ourselves. So not denying things, knowing and accepting, okay, I'm in distress, I'm in pain, I'm suffering right now. And then having a cool head so that we can decide, like, what do I want to do about this, given the exact situation?

Maybe I want to appreciate and recognize my own resilience. And I'm going to keep forging through this real muck up of a work day, but then also being unafraid to ask somebody for a hug when we walk in the door, when we get home, asking for a helping hand from your kids or your neighbor. And then thirdly, having that ready, willing and [00:26:00] able ability to comfort ourselves.

So that we have all three of those in balance. So that's my less eloquent way of saying the thing that the author you mentioned said in three words.

Christina: Yeah. I mean, I love that explanation though. I think it's, it's more tangible and puts handles on things for people. So I appreciate that perspective in those examples.

Georgie: So in closing today, I think some of the messages that we want to impart you with is that being aware of your state is really the entrance key to this whole kingdom of being able to comfort yourself because if you can't recognize When you're in need of comfort, you certainly can't expect yourself to give yourself comfort.

So just trying to notice moments where you're suffering a little or a lot, and needing or wanting something to help you feel better. And then, looking broadly at the world. Because if you think, food is the only thing that will make me feel better, It's going to become a self fulfilling prophecy where nothing else brings you comfort if you've decided ahead of time [00:27:00] that food is the only thing that brings you comfort.

So being open to trying to get a little bit of comfort from other things I say this often, but it's okay if you try a lot of alternates and find that some of them don't help at all. Some of them help a lot. And many of the options that you try only help 5 or 10%. Feeling 5 or 10 percent better is still often worth doing.

So don't, throw out something because you felt like it wasn't as effective as food. It can change with time. And it may come with a lot lower costs to your health, weight loss goals, and self esteem. I hope you've gotten some specific ideas for things you can try. As always, you can reach out to us if your particular situation seems to need some more discussion we'd be happy to help. Anything you want to leave people with today, Christina?

Christina: I liked how you wrapped it up, but I guess one thing I would add is you know, knowing that using food for comfort is your choice. It's not that it has to be taken away or you can never do it again, just like we said at the beginning, but [00:28:00] having other options to go to can be really helpful.

And like you said, that 5 percent can make all the difference. And even if it means Eating a little bit less because you did this other thing to help yourself feel comforted can help you still progress in your goals and get a little bit better at it. It's a skill and you can develop it.

Georgie: Awesome. Thanks for joining us today. We really care about you and your success. So I want you to know you're cared about. See you in the next episode.